Author Topic: Jokes (Read 211686 times)

GoldenFox93 · « **Reply #4820 on:** April 27, 2012, 07:31:58 PM »

A bloke walks into a bar, and orders a beer from the barman. The barman says "That'll be 50p"

The man is amazed at the price, drinks his drink and then asks how much a cocktail costs.

"That's one pound, mate, for any cocktail."

The man then orders a Pina Colada and drinks it, feeling very pleased with himself. He then spots three men sitting in the corner looking miserable and without any drinks. He turns and and says to the barman, "What are those guys over there doing without drinks at this price?"

The barman replies, "They're Scottish. They're waiting for happy hour!"

GarvinTheGreat · « **Reply #4821 on:** April 27, 2012, 07:39:29 PM »

Why do Leprechauns laugh when they run through fields?

The grass tickles they're balls

SKBT · « **Reply #4822 on:** May 01, 2012, 07:07:11 AM »

Meganerdbomb · « **Reply #4823 on:** May 01, 2012, 07:55:39 AM »

Quote from: Sonny_Resetti on April 08, 2012, 10:14:07 PM

Quote from: ACAMS on April 08, 2012, 05:49:34 PM
obongo trips and falls over a bridge railing while jogging one morning.
Before the Secret Service guys can get to him, three kids who are fishing pull him out of the water below. He’s so grateful, he offers the kids whatever they want.

The first kid shouts, “I want to go to Disneyland with my friends!” and obongo replies, “No problem. I’ll take you on Air Force One.”

The second kid says, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans,” to which obongo says, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The third kid says, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!”

obongo, looking perplexed, utters: “But, son, you don’t look like you’re handicapped.”

The kid answers, “I will be once my dad finds out I saved your sorry ass from drowning.”

ha ha ha you're so funny, you're not fooling anyone with that re-packaging of a Bush joke http://board.jokeroo.com/funny-jokes/14640-just-alittle-joke.html

>Implying that joke doesn't just get updated whenever we elect a new president.

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #4824 on:** May 03, 2012, 05:28:19 AM »

Noodle · « **Reply #4825 on:** May 03, 2012, 12:57:49 PM »

This ought to make the asspie inside you laugh (and the Cash Cab fan inside you cry):

Quote from: Jonzu95 on May 03, 2012, 05:28:19 AM

(Image removed from quote.)

>the entire photoshop section of facepunch

smashysmashy · « **Reply #4826 on:** May 13, 2012, 08:33:51 AM »

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #4827 on:** May 13, 2012, 10:52:56 AM »

Quote from: smashysmashy on May 13, 2012, 08:33:51 AM

(Image removed from quote.)

eh?

Fracture · « **Reply #4828 on:** May 13, 2012, 10:56:22 AM »

Quote from: Jonzu95 on May 13, 2012, 10:52:56 AM

Quote from: smashysmashy on May 13, 2012, 08:33:51 AM
(Image removed from quote.)
eh?

The barber will keep playing the "trick" on the boy to show to his customers, and after two repetitions the boy has already earned $1.50 and can keep getting more, but if he takes the dollar the barber won't do the trick again since that's not entertaining.

JoeBlo · « **Reply #4829 on:** May 23, 2012, 10:26:05 AM »

powerrave · « **Reply #4830 on:** May 23, 2012, 12:04:57 PM »

On Art Of Trolling, I once saw that status with a nice reply with real facts that pissed people off.
This one's also funny though.

Fracture · « **Reply #4831 on:** May 27, 2012, 11:43:39 AM »

For those too lazy to read the URL, the caption is "Puppy used Fart!".

courthousedoc · « **Reply #4832 on:** May 28, 2012, 12:11:07 AM »

What did the flight attendant say to the guy who had his privates showing through a hole.....
Zip up your Fly

Get it fly

Hydro · « **Reply #4833 on:** May 28, 2012, 04:54:35 AM »

Quote from: courthousedoc on May 28, 2012, 12:11:07 AM

What did the flight attendant say to the guy who had his privates showing through a hole.....
Zip up your Fly

Get it fly

Naryar · « **Reply #4834 on:** May 29, 2012, 12:05:01 AM »

Quote from: courthousedoc on May 28, 2012, 12:11:07 AM

What did the flight attendant say to the guy who had his privates showing through a hole.....
Zip up your Fly

Get it fly

wait

am I supposed to laugh

i dunno

Scrap Daddy · « **Reply #4835 on:** May 29, 2012, 12:14:21 AM »

so i was at this dance party for people with no legs.....the dance floor was crawling with pussy

SKBT · « **Reply #4836 on:** May 30, 2012, 08:05:28 PM »

Mr. AS · « **Reply #4837 on:** June 12, 2012, 08:02:38 PM »

little boy timmy has 100 chocolate bars

he eats 50

what does he have now

Natef · « **Reply #4838 on:** June 12, 2012, 10:25:55 PM »

GarvinTheGreat · « **Reply #4839 on:** June 16, 2012, 10:03:18 AM »

This one is for you ACAMS

One day Barack and Michelle Obama were on a plane. Barack said to his wife "You know, I could throw $1000 out the window and make one person very happy." Then Michelle said, "Well I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." The pilot of the plane over heard the conversation. The pilot leaned over and said to the co-pilot "What hot-shots back there,huh? I could through the two of them out the window and make 256 million people very happy"