Author Topic: Jokes (Read 211508 times)

ACAMS · « **Reply #3920 on:** April 27, 2011, 12:09:34 AM »

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit it off and gone back to her place to have wild, passionate sex.
After they have finished he lies back with a smug look on his face, "I guess that was just about the best sex you have ever had," he says.
"What makes you say that?" asks the woman.
"Well, every time we did it, I couldn't help notice how it made your toes curl," he explains.
"Oh," says the woman, "that was just because most men wait to take off my pantyhose first."

Kujii · « **Reply #3921 on:** April 27, 2011, 12:32:18 AM »

Immaturish, but funny, good one Acams.

Scourge of teh Galaxy · « **Reply #3922 on:** April 27, 2011, 03:29:32 AM »

Quote from: TheRoyalBadger on April 26, 2011, 05:43:49 PM

Anyone else notice that the word 'Roadworks' is a contradiction in terms? When is the last time you saw someone working on roadworks?

This morning when I was coming into college and I was stuck for half an hour at roadworks, there was a man sat in the hole in the road, and I think he was digging. It's a pretty deep hole, so I couldn't tell.

GoldenFox93 · « **Reply #3923 on:** May 01, 2011, 01:58:49 PM »

"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines.

And Brother-

Enigm@ · « **Reply #3924 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:17:22 PM »

Quote from: ACAMS on April 27, 2011, 12:09:34 AM

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit it off and gone back to her place to have wild, passionate sex.
After they have finished he lies back with a smug look on his face, "I guess that was just about the best sex you have ever had," he says.
"What makes you say that?" asks the woman.
"Well, every time we did it, I couldn't help notice how it made your toes curl," he explains.
"Oh," says the woman, "that was just because most men wait to take off my pantyhose first."

ACAMS IS POSTING PR0N!!!!11!11
BAN BAN BAN11111!1111!

Hydro · « **Reply #3925 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:20:01 PM »

*facepalm*

NFX · « **Reply #3926 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:26:09 PM »

Enigma raises a valid point. ACAMS is in violation of his own rules. =]

ACAMS · « **Reply #3927 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:29:30 PM »

You got a link?

NFX · « **Reply #3928 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:30:49 PM »

https://gametechmods.com/forums/index.php/topic,685.msg338676.html#msg338676 There you are. =P

Enigm@ · « **Reply #3929 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:32:20 PM »

pr0n may not be illegal, but it's still not good if like a little kid see's it.

ACAMS · « **Reply #3930 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:39:07 PM »

Quote from: NFX on May 01, 2011, 06:26:09 PM

Enigma raises a valid point. ACAMS is in violation of his own rules. =]

Link to the rule

Kujii · « **Reply #3931 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:40:18 PM »

He banned Jonzu for porn.

Its an implied rule, that isn't written anywhere.

Resetti's Replicas · « **Reply #3932 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:52:17 PM »

Quote from: TheRoyalBadger on April 26, 2011, 05:43:49 PM

Anyone else notice that the word 'Roadworks' is a contradiction in terms? When is the last time you saw someone working on roadworks?

They do the work at off-peak times because it disrupts traffic

ACAMS · « **Reply #3933 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:55:30 PM »

Quote from: Kujii on May 01, 2011, 06:40:18 PM

He banned Jonzu for porn.

Its an implied rule, that isn't written anywhere.

Click did, not me....WE ALL KNOW it is not tolerated in the main forum, not even jokes, but there is nothing wrong with a dirty joke in jokes.

Somebody · « **Reply #3934 on:** May 01, 2011, 06:57:02 PM »

Like the first joke in this thread... thats a dirty joke...

Enigm@ · « **Reply #3935 on:** May 01, 2011, 07:00:25 PM »

Quote from: Somebody on May 01, 2011, 06:57:02 PM

Like the first joke in this thread... thats a dirty joke...

Yeah but it doesn't show a guy's dick.
I could tell a joke about a guy getting killed with a hammer.
(ok maybe I woulds, but you gets the point.

Kujii · « **Reply #3936 on:** May 01, 2011, 07:02:21 PM »

Quote from: ACAMS on May 01, 2011, 06:55:30 PM

Quote from: Kujii on May 01, 2011, 06:40:18 PM
He banned Jonzu for porn.

Its an implied rule, that isn't written anywhere.

Click did, not me....WE ALL KNOW it is not tolerated in the main forum, not even jokes, but there is nothing wrong with a dirty joke in jokes.

It was in the playground ^^
Not that I'm stupid enough to really argue about the rules with what is essentially god.

ACAMS · « **Reply #3937 on:** May 01, 2011, 08:46:40 PM »

Well I didn't see the pic he posted, and Click does get offended easily, but Playgroung is supposed to be more open.

Kujii · « **Reply #3938 on:** May 01, 2011, 09:00:59 PM »

If you never saw it, I saved it to rub in Jonzu's face at a later date. I could send you the 'offending' picture.

BoT:

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?
Hell from an engineering approach

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid term. The answer was so profound that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

NFX · « **Reply #3939 on:** May 01, 2011, 09:16:42 PM »

I thought it was actually quite logical, until the Freshman year comment at the end. But that's what made it for me. =D