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Messages - TommyProductionsInc
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861
« on: July 13, 2015, 08:00:56 PM »
What's pink and 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I shove it in her mouth? Her miscarriage. 
862
« on: July 13, 2015, 07:56:11 PM »
ughhhh game theory.
Oh, and screw Game Theory.
Could you elaborate as to why you don't like Game Theory? I don't see anything wrong with what Mat Pat does. I'm not saying everyone should like it but a specific dislike/hatred for Game Theory seems irrational to me.
I just find most of the stuff Game Theory discusses to be boring. It was kinda funny when they said mario is a communist though :P
Dude. Have you not SEEN the boobs episode?
863
« on: July 13, 2015, 02:09:52 AM »
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"
So I'm banging the **** out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the **** does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
A daughter asks her dad if she can have a sleepover with her girlfriends and he agrees.
Later on, he over-hears their game of truth or dare to which the daughter's friend asks her when the last time she had an orgasm was.
The daughter replied, "Oh, about 3 days ago."
Her dad bursts into the room and screams, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"... but she did.
A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless man walks up to her.
She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"
He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."
"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies. The man turns and starts walking away.
"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"
"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.
I was having sex with a woman last night but she wouldn't stop screaming another guy's name. Who the hell is "rape"?
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they ****ed in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
You know your girlfriend is too young when you have to make an airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.
I farted in front of my Jewish girlfriend yesterday and she was really offended. I said, "Oh come on, a little gas never killed anyone."
Four gay men are siting in a hot tub. A condom floats up to the surface of the water. The guys all look around at each other, then one asks, "Ok ladies, who farted?"
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
A child is alone in his room, playing with his toys, when BAM! A time machine appears. "Johnny! I'm you from the future!" "Really? Oh boy! What do I grow up to be?!"
"A pedophile", older Johnny says as he locks the door.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old and locked in the basement.
A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter.
"My god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims.
The dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."
My wife walked in on me ****ing our daughter. I don't know which made her more surprised, that I was ****ing our daughter or the fact the hospital let me keep the stillborn.
"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa. "No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.
These jokes are so dark I'm surprised that they haven't been shot by the police.
Abortion. It really brings out the kid in you.
People say faith can move mountains, now I can't say about mountains, but I've sure as hell seen what it can do to skyscrapers!
My grandfather died in Auschwitz. He broke his back trying to carry 2 Jews at once into the crematorium.
An elderly Jewish woman wins the lottery, $30 million after taxes. She goes to her Rabbi to discuss what to do with the money.
She first says, "I'd like to spend $10 million on myself and my family."
The Rabbi replies, "It would be good to enjoy your winnings, and family is important."
She then says she'd like to donate another $10 million to the synagogue and the charity they run, since the synagogue has always been there for her, she'd like to give back.
The Rabbi says they could always use the money.
Then she says "I'd like to spend the last $10 million on a ten-foot golden statue of Adolf Hitler."
Naturally the Rabbi is quite horrified. "Why would you want to memorialize such a monster?" he cries.
She rolls up her sleeve and responds, "He gave me the winning numbers."
If a couple in Alabama gets divorced, are they still brother and sister?
An old lady at an ATM asked me if I could help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.
A boy walks in on his dad masturbating in front of the computer and asks "Dad, what are you doing?"
The dad replies, "I'm masturbating. Don't worry, you will be doing it soon too."
"But why?"
"Because my arm is getting tired"
What's brown, bubbling, and knocking on a window?
a black baby in a microwave.
What's the difference between an airplane and your grandma?
Not everyone has been in an airplane.
A smoking hot girl walks into a bar. A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!" She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?" And he replies, "Because I'm stronger than you."
A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed, reading. He says, "This is the pig I **** when you have a headache." His wife looks up, and says, "I think you'll find that that's a sheep." The man replies, "I think you'll find that I'm not talking to you!"
What's the worst thing about going down on a girl the morning after?
Ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich?
A teenage girl comes home from school and tells her dad she got an F. The father says that the next time she brings home an F she'll have to give him a blowjob. A few weeks pass and the girl gets an F. As she is blowing him she asks, "How come your penis tastes like sh**?"
The father replies, "Your brother is no straight-A student..."
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and see some little boys.
The priests says, "hey, lets screw 'em".
The rabbi says "out of what?"
Masturbating while looking in a mirror isn't wrong. Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus.
A man walks past a girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been ****ed, and in my condition no one would want to **** me. Will you please **** me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're ****ed."
What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside of a planned parenthood?
Having to go in and ask for a coat hangar.
Say what you will about pedophiles, at least they drive slowly in school zones.
I asked a Jewish girl for her number. She rolled up her sleeve.
864
« on: July 12, 2015, 10:55:12 PM »
This may be one of the most messed up posts in this thread. Here's 50 Jokes I got off of Reddit. 1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a **** when my computer crashes.
2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon. 7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
12_Feminism
13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.
15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.
17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.
18_How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he ****s his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
21_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.
22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a sh**? Nine months.
25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
26_What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.
27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.
28_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.
29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.
30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.
31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
32_What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.
36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.
39_A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a sh** if I lost 6 million dollars.
41_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
42_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
43_One time I ****ed this chick so hard, she almost came back to life
44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.
46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.
49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.
50_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.
865
« on: July 12, 2015, 01:29:59 PM »
That's... not pretty damn good lore :P
Three blind mice is a better lore than 'sum kids r goasts now'
Obviously, the lore is more fleshed out than what Reier said (which was obviously satire) and it is not presented to you from the get go, nor is it something you can grasp by completing the game 100%. To understand the lore, people have had to work together and make theories about what they think is actually going on. It has even led to Game Theory doing 3 videos on the subject.
Technically 4 videos, since the 3rd game had a two parter. There's also going to be a 4th and final game, which can only mean that there will be at least on more video on the matter. Also, there's the movie, which I'm hyped for as well.
866
« on: July 12, 2015, 02:14:13 AM »
Had another go at building a replica. Still not very good at it.
(Image removed from quote.)
What are you talking about? You're doing FINE.
867
« on: July 12, 2015, 02:12:28 AM »
Jump "scares" are entirely predictable. The game is boring, monotonous, and not scary in the slightest bit.
Yeah, it will get that way eventually, but the lore is pretty damn good, and its really the only thing that's keeping the franchise popular/hyped.
ok so ive never played the games but this is what i have picked up about the 'lore'.
look there's this spoooooooooky chuck e cheese's place with spoooooooooky robot clowns mascots that want to OMG KILL U
"but why do they want to kill meeee?" because 20 years ago some KIDS DIED HERE AND MAYBE THEY'RE GHOSTS NOW WOOOOooOOOooOOOOOOOO
i mean maybe im completely wrong here but what lore are you referring to kind sir
That's pretty much the jist of it.
868
« on: July 11, 2015, 12:40:04 AM »
FINALLY! We can make Firestorm clones now! 
869
« on: July 09, 2015, 07:05:28 PM »
Jump "scares" are entirely predictable. The game is boring, monotonous, and not scary in the slightest bit.
Yeah, it will get that way eventually, but the lore is pretty damn good, and its really the only thing that's keeping the franchise popular/hyped.
870
« on: July 08, 2015, 09:37:29 PM »
Let's play bait that the dev milked dry. The jumpscares make it perfect for scripted reactions from youtubers/streamers that get views from screaming a lot.
Does it count as milking if the sequels were actually wanted?
3 games in ~7 months? That's definitely the "release as many games as we can before people get bored" kind of mentality I'm getting here.
Huh. I guess our definitions of milking are different... ...cause there is no cow animatronic.
871
« on: July 08, 2015, 07:27:24 PM »
Let's play bait that the dev milked dry. The jumpscares make it perfect for scripted reactions from youtubers/streamers that get views from screaming a lot.
Does it count as milking if the sequels were actually wanted? I do have to agree about the reactions though, I freaked out nowhere near as bad as Markiplier.
872
« on: July 08, 2015, 07:06:28 PM »
Sooo... yeah,what's your opinion on the franchise?
(Anticipating immense amounts of hate and flaming.)
873
« on: June 23, 2015, 11:26:19 PM »
I came here.
874
« on: June 21, 2015, 04:04:09 PM »
release it when someone buys my album 
aka never
Give me thirty. NOW.
875
« on: June 20, 2015, 11:44:00 PM »
This is the stuff I listen to:
They all follow the same format (usually) but have different freestyle patterns, base background music, and of course, different sources.
There's hundreds of thousands of these videos, I kid you not.
876
« on: June 20, 2015, 08:22:23 PM »
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks.
877
« on: June 20, 2015, 11:46:11 AM »
these things are freakin brilliant
where can i get these
Well, I made a bunch of battlebots replicas for the BBAI modpack. Theres a DL link somewhere in their if your interested. (Requires DSL2 AND DSL3).
878
« on: June 19, 2015, 07:02:12 PM »
Rameses II. Progress on this was slow and steady, like the robot.
(Image removed from quote.)
Beautiful replica of an ugly bot.
879
« on: June 10, 2015, 05:09:22 PM »
Why mud tires? Grannies should work just fine.
I was half awake at the time.
880
« on: June 10, 2015, 02:52:27 PM »
Weapons should be the other way around: maces on the inside, irons on the edges. The way you have it right now makes the maces useless until the irons fall off.
Thanks. I'll improve it once I go back to my dad's, since it was saved on the computer that I have there. I'm gonna try and improve my stock capabilities. BTW, is there any faster method to stack? It takes me about 5 whole minutes to stack to black batteries.
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