Author Topic: Redneck Jokes (Read 991 times)

HurricaneAndrew · « **on:** July 30, 2009, 02:41:46 AM »

I had the idea for this after browsing the forum while listening to some old Jeff Foxworthy comedy tapes (yes, tapes!) and thinking "I wonder what kind of redneck jokes these guys might have?". So here it is...

I'll warm things up with some stuff from the tapes...

If your richest relative buys a house, and you have to help take the wheels off of it... You might be a redneck.

If you have ever had to carry a bucket of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor... You might be a redneck.

If someone asks to see your I.D., and you show them your belt buckle... You might be a redneck.

If you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income... You might be a redneck.

If your family tree does not fork... You might be a redneck.

"I remember one time I was riding with my dad, and he had been drinking a little. A cop pulled us over and when he came to the window of the truck, this is how the conversation went...

Excuse me sir. Can I see your license, please? No, I don't need a cold beer and I don't think you do either. Do you know why I pulled you over, sir? It concerns the vehicle you're pulling behind you. No sir, it's not illegal to tow a boat, but we do require you put it on a trailer... Can you ask your friends to get out of the boat? You lost your skier about a mile back there!"

frezal · « **Reply #1 on:** July 30, 2009, 12:27:42 PM »

If you're from the south, you might be a redneck.

Sage · « **Reply #2 on:** July 30, 2009, 01:08:13 PM »

Who invented the toothbrush?

A redneck, cause if anyone else invented it it would be called a teethbrush.

Madiaba · « **Reply #3 on:** July 30, 2009, 11:25:48 PM »

You might be a redneck, if you have 1 home that's mobile, and 2 cars that are not.
.

russian roulette · « **Reply #4 on:** July 31, 2009, 12:52:21 AM »

On you tube there is a song about rednecks counting wheels on big rigs. It is called 18 wheels on a big rig and it is hilarious.

trumpetguy · « **Reply #5 on:** July 31, 2009, 01:12:25 AM »

Link to that.

frezal · « **Reply #6 on:** July 31, 2009, 02:33:19 AM »

If you actually find redneck jokes to be amusing, you might be a redneck.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #7 on:** July 31, 2009, 12:50:39 PM »

Quote from: frezal;55913

If you actually find redneck jokes to be amusing, you might be a redneck.

Well, by golly, I must be a redneck!

trumpetguy · « **Reply #8 on:** July 31, 2009, 02:20:10 PM »

You might be a redneck if you buy a book to just shoot it.

GameKing3 · « **Reply #9 on:** July 31, 2009, 02:28:19 PM »

1.Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.
2.What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
3.You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

frezal · « **Reply #10 on:** August 01, 2009, 03:45:19 PM »

You know you're a redneck if .

dohohohohohoho!

Reier · « **Reply #11 on:** August 01, 2009, 04:19:14 PM »

Hey F(f)rezeal!

Quote from: frezal;56379

You know you're a redneck if
Quote from: frezal;56379
You know you're a redneck if
Quote from: frezal;56379
You know you're a redneck if .

dohohohohohoho!

dohohohohohoho!

dohohohohohoho!

ACAMS · « **Reply #12 on:** August 01, 2009, 04:59:11 PM »

Quote from: Reier;56400

Hey F(f)rezeal!

Are you insinuating frezal MAY be a redneck by his last few posts?

frezal · « **Reply #13 on:** August 01, 2009, 10:27:22 PM »

I think Reier just divided by zero.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #14 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:46:50 AM »

Quote from: frezal;56517

Quote from: frezal;56517
Quote from: frezal;56517
I think Reier just divided by zero.
I think Reier just divided by zero.
I think Reier just divided by zero.

JoeBlo · « **Reply #15 on:** August 02, 2009, 01:18:10 AM »

haha I love it HA ^^^