Author Topic: Jokes (Read 213050 times)

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5240 on:** March 27, 2014, 09:54:54 AM »

A man says to his wife "I bet you can't make me happy and mad at the same time."
His wife looks at him and says "Your dick is bigger than your brother's."

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5241 on:** March 28, 2014, 06:33:42 PM »

Quote from: HurricaneAndrew on March 27, 2014, 09:54:54 AM

A man says to his wife "I bet you can't make me happy and mad at the same time."
His wife looks at him and says "Your dick is bigger than your brother's."

That was GENIOUS!

Wacky Bob · « **Reply #5242 on:** March 28, 2014, 08:29:05 PM »

This actually happened in my family:

My little sister plays in the orchestra at her school. She came home one day and told our mom that the bridge on her violin was broken. My mom, confused, said, "That couldn't have happened accidentally. Someone must have fiddled with it."

She didn't realize she had made a joke. Nobody noticed it until I pointed it out.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5243 on:** March 29, 2014, 09:19:00 AM »

Resetti's Replicas · « **Reply #5244 on:** April 03, 2014, 09:00:46 PM »

What do you call a rock that's been submerged in water?

A wetstone.

Domanating · « **Reply #5245 on:** April 13, 2014, 11:20:37 AM »

Probably the nastiest joke I've ever heard:

What's the worst part of f*cking a baby? When you hear the pelvis snap.

Resetti's Replicas · « **Reply #5246 on:** April 13, 2014, 12:16:52 PM »

Q: What do you call a restaurant with edible wood-carving tools?
A: An awl-you-can-eat buffet.

Philippa · « **Reply #5247 on:** April 13, 2014, 02:46:06 PM »

It's World Homeopathy Awareness Week. If just one in seven billion humans become aware of it, it's been totally effective.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5248 on:** April 27, 2014, 11:42:53 PM »

So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. BADUM TSH.

What's the best part of living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Badnik96 · « **Reply #5249 on:** April 28, 2014, 06:59:48 PM »

I feel like a lot of problems in the old west could have been solved if the towns were made big enough for the two of us.

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5250 on:** June 27, 2014, 09:29:34 PM »

When you piss yourself, urINe trouble.

RedAce · « **Reply #5251 on:** November 07, 2014, 04:07:32 PM »

I thought I should bring this thread back to life. Why?

You wanna know why don't want a virgin for my 21st birthday?

lame jokes are lame.

Natster-104 · « **Reply #5252 on:** November 07, 2014, 04:31:44 PM »

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I remember that when I was 6 that got me to pee my pants laughing every time

Meganerdbomb · « **Reply #5253 on:** November 07, 2014, 04:32:57 PM »

I never understood why that joke was funny.

yugitom · « **Reply #5254 on:** November 07, 2014, 04:33:33 PM »

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.

Quote from: Meganerdbomb on November 07, 2014, 04:32:57 PM

I never understood why that joke was funny.

It's like the very first anti-joke. A joke that's so not funny or serious that it ends up being funny.

playzooki · « **Reply #5255 on:** November 07, 2014, 04:38:34 PM »

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from this sh**ty joke

helloface · « **Reply #5256 on:** November 07, 2014, 04:59:09 PM »

playzooki's existence

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #5257 on:** November 07, 2014, 06:19:56 PM »

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #5258 on:** November 26, 2014, 04:03:16 PM »

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Badnik96 · « **Reply #5259 on:** November 26, 2014, 11:23:06 PM »

Didn't ACAMS or someone post that recently?