Author Topic: Jokes (Read 211368 times)

helloface · « **Reply #5200 on:** November 13, 2013, 08:35:06 PM »

It's lame...
but it's smart.

It's unfunny...
which makes it funny.

It's stupid...
but it's smart.

everything is lies

Philippa · « **Reply #5201 on:** December 14, 2013, 03:42:35 PM »

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

I'm always waiting for the perfect time to tell a joke about paedophiles... but I always come in a little behind.

I was walking home yesterday and I saw a black guy running with a television in his hands.
"Hey that looks a lot like mine!" I thought so I ran back home.
But mine was still there, shining my shoes.

MassimoV · « **Reply #5202 on:** December 14, 2013, 03:50:27 PM »

Quote from: Kurt Wylde on December 14, 2013, 03:42:35 PM

I'm always waiting for the perfect time to tell a joke about paedophiles... but I always come in a little behind.

My girlfriend says I'm a pedophile, but what does she know, she's only 6.

Philippa · « **Reply #5203 on:** December 14, 2013, 03:56:25 PM »

Quote from: MassimoV on December 14, 2013, 03:50:27 PM

Quote from: Kurt Wylde on December 14, 2013, 03:42:35 PM
I'm always waiting for the perfect time to tell a joke about paedophiles... but I always come in a little behind.
My girlfriend says I'm a pedophile, but what does she know, she's only 6.

"A sexually active 6-year old?!"
"Active? Nah, she just lies there really."

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5204 on:** December 15, 2013, 10:19:16 AM »

How many times does 8 inches go in to 12 years?

Depends on how long it takes for her parents to find out.

Philippa · « **Reply #5205 on:** December 24, 2013, 03:49:57 PM »

Woo dark humour.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench.
"Let's have sex with a cat." said the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it." says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it." shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again." said the necrophiliac.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it." said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said, "Meow."

What's the difference between a Ford and a Mercedes?
Princess Diana wouldn't be seen dead in the back of a Ford.

I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.
Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

If the camera adds ten pounds, then do African children actually exist?

10 catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St Peter Acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you a paedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well **** off straight to hell right now!". 9 of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St Peter calls after them. "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!"

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5206 on:** December 24, 2013, 08:27:17 PM »

Don't do dope, children. It has many adverse effects on your health. The effects of marijuana include impaired coordination; short-term memory loss; skewed sensory and time perception; short-term memory loss; difficulty with thinking, concentrating and problem solving; short-term memory loss; shortened attention span and distractibility; decreased alertness; short-term memory loss; impaired learning; short-term memory loss; and euphoria. It also effects your short-term memory. Additionally, marijuana use can lead to disturbed thoughts and can worsen psychotic symptoms in schizophrenics.

RpJk · « **Reply #5207 on:** January 04, 2014, 05:47:24 PM »

Research shows that with the way more of us are watching porn we will soon become a new species of humans.

They will call us homo erections.

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5208 on:** March 09, 2014, 10:53:21 PM »

Who killed the Lucky Charms guy?
A CERIAL killer!
*Random troll*: "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!"
*Me*:" Of course not, it's PUNNY!"

helloface · « **Reply #5209 on:** March 09, 2014, 11:00:17 PM »

boooooooooooooooooooo

SKBT · « **Reply #5210 on:** March 09, 2014, 11:02:53 PM »

Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on March 09, 2014, 10:53:21 PM

Who killed the Lucky Charms guy?
A CERIAL killer!
*Random troll*: "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!"
*Me*:" Of course not, it's PUNNY!"

-5pts and lose a turn

but this is the cheesiest pickup line ever

MassimoV · « **Reply #5211 on:** March 09, 2014, 11:08:42 PM »

Quote from: SKBT on March 09, 2014, 11:02:53 PM

but this is the cheesiest pickup line ever

(Image removed from quote.)

wow great

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5212 on:** March 09, 2014, 11:15:18 PM »

Here's another one.
(Probably just as bad)
What do you call a pit full of donkeys?
An asshole.

Philippa · « **Reply #5213 on:** March 10, 2014, 02:49:59 AM »

Get back to robots.

Kossokei · « **Reply #5214 on:** March 10, 2014, 03:09:23 PM »

I will back you up Tommy.

What happened when the hair stylist fell off of a building?

HE DYED.

What did the liquid say before the pigmented substance suffocated him?

"I have become dye!"

What happens when a man poops liquid rainbows?

Dye-rrhea.

SKBT · « **Reply #5215 on:** March 10, 2014, 03:35:01 PM »

Quote from: Kossokei on March 10, 2014, 03:09:23 PM

What happens when a man poops liquid rainbows?

Dye-rrhea.

no.

the correct answer is

Badnik96 · « **Reply #5216 on:** March 10, 2014, 05:55:08 PM »

So this high school kid asks his crush to the prom, and to his surprise she says yes. So he sets out to create the perfect night for his crush. He goes to rent a limo, and there's a really long line, but he's determined to get it and finally gets to the front and rents the limo. Then he goes to get flowers. There's another really long line, and he's patient again and gets through it and gets a beautiful bouquet. Then finally he decides to get a box of chocolates, and there's a third huge line, but once again he's very patient and gets a large box for his crush. Then the big night arrives. The boy takes his date into the limo, gives her the box of chocolates and bouquet, and she is very happy with these gifts. When they make it to the prom, the girl asks the guy for a class of punch. He goes over to the bowl and there's no punch line.

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5217 on:** March 10, 2014, 07:37:39 PM »

Quote from: Kurt Wylde on March 10, 2014, 02:49:59 AM

Get back to robots.

I'm sorry Kurt, I'm afraid i can not do that.
What's the term for having sex in Minecraft?
Getting your blocks off.
Okay, maybe I should get back to robots.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5218 on:** March 10, 2014, 08:29:09 PM »

Quote from: Badnik96 on March 10, 2014, 05:55:08 PM

So this high school kid asks his crush to the prom, and to his surprise she says yes. So he sets out to create the perfect night for his crush. He goes to rent a limo, and there's a really long line, but he's determined to get it and finally gets to the front and rents the limo. Then he goes to get flowers. There's another really long line, and he's patient again and gets through it and gets a beautiful bouquet. Then finally he decides to get a box of chocolates, and there's a third huge line, but once again he's very patient and gets a large box for his crush. Then the big night arrives. The boy takes his date into the limo, gives her the box of chocolates and bouquet, and she is very happy with these gifts. When they make it to the prom, the girl asks the guy for a class of punch. He goes over to the bowl and there's no punch line.

You're an asshole.

Domanating · « **Reply #5219 on:** March 10, 2014, 09:08:44 PM »

How can an elephant climb down a tree safely?
He sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn.

Why did the elephant fall off the tree?
He was dead

Why did a second elephant fall off a tree?
He was attached to the 1st

Why did a 3rd Elephant fall of a tree?
He though it was a game

Why did the the tree fall?
It thought it was an elephant

How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry field?
You paint his nails red

What's worse than stapling a baby to a wall?
Getting him out of there.

Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken

What's a red dot in the corner of a room?
A baby playing with a razor blade

What's a green dot in the corner of a room?
The same baby 4 months later

What's harder to unload? A truck full of babies or a truck full of watermelons?
A truck full of watermelons, because you can't use the pitchfork.

What has 4 legs and an arm?
A Dobermann in kindergarten.