Jokes

[Naryar]

freaks, faggets, drunks, and junkies

you have a low self esteem

>in case of burn, apply cold water to affected area

[NFX]

The sex life of nearly every member of GTM.

I haven't got one, so bang goes your theory. 

[Mr. AS]

2l2q3

[nicsan2009]

Christians

Atheists

[ty4er]

Christians

Atheists

religion

[Incredirobotwars]

Christians

Atheists

I resent this, but fine...

...on another note, NASCAR. :P
inb4 all of Alabama turn up at my door with pitchforks...

[Jack Daniels]

...

this thread.

[G.K.]

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell, but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every afternoon I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this afternoon I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this fridge comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a fridge..."

[Sylandro]

2 Blondes walk into a Bar.

Heck, you'd thought one would see it coming.

[Badnik96]

Christians

Atheists

I resent this, but fine...

...on another note, NASCAR. :P
inb4 all of Alabama turn up at my door with pitchforks...

die in a water

[Mr. AS]

Christians

Atheists

I resent this, but fine...

...on another note, NASCAR. :P
inb4 all of Alabama turn up at my door with pitchforks...

die in a water

f zero

[HurricaneAndrew]

Christians

Atheists

I resent this, but fine...

...on another note, NASCAR. :P
inb4 all of Alabama turn up at my door with pitchforks...

die in a water

Battlebots.

[Badnik96]

ok now you're just getting ridiculous, next you'll say Noodle is a joke

oh wait, he is

[SKBT]

Threads Like This

[Sylandro]

How to make an ACAMS!

STEP 1 = Go get a trashcan.

STEP 2 = Then make some cardboard Arms.

[Badnik96]

You fail at making jokes and/or screamers, I can't tell which you were trying to do.

[Badger]

@Sylandro
That post did not:
Make me laugh
Make me scared/surprised

That post did:
Give me AIDS
Brutally axe-murder my good mood

I hope you feel good about yourself.

[Resetti's Replicas]

You should be glad that wasn't an actual screamer, I know several killing moves and startle really easily.

[Sylandro]

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"

[HurricaneAndrew]

I'll admit... That was amusing.