Author Topic: Jokes (Read 211369 times)

Enigm@ · « **Reply #5001 on:** September 26, 2012, 09:56:50 PM »

Quote from: RPJK on August 31, 2012, 02:37:36 PM

I fell off my bike today and a wee kid laughs and shouts FAIL!

I said "Thats what your mother said after she gave birth to you"

SO HARDCORE

Resetti's Replicas · « **Reply #5002 on:** September 29, 2012, 10:55:22 PM »

The entire "Friends" cast is white, and one of the actors is named "LeBlanc." Not a joke per se, but a funny observation I had

Phoenyx · « **Reply #5003 on:** September 30, 2012, 02:58:27 AM »

An honest lawyer, a charitable Apple employee, and an old drunk walked into a bar and each asked for a beer. The bartender gave the old drunk one but didn't serve the others. When the old drunk asked about this, the bartender said "We don't serve drunk hallucinations here" and immediately kicked the drunk out.

Enigm@ · « **Reply #5004 on:** October 06, 2012, 06:02:00 PM »

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5005 on:** October 06, 2012, 06:41:02 PM »

Chaosmancer · « **Reply #5006 on:** October 09, 2012, 04:55:39 AM »

Knowing my luck, it has already been posted elsewhere, but oh well.

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, PETA can't change anything.

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #5007 on:** October 09, 2012, 04:58:21 AM »

Quote from: HurricaneAndrew on October 06, 2012, 06:41:02 PM

(Image removed from quote.)

And we have a winner...

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5008 on:** October 12, 2012, 03:15:29 PM »

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, dixafix, and of
course, ibepokin.

Also, in a suprise move, Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra
will soon be available in liquid form that will be marketed by Pepsi
Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be
possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously,
we can no longer call this a soft drink and it gives new meaning to
the names of "cocktails" "highballs" and just a good "stiff drink."

Pepsi plans to market the new concoction under the trade name of
Mount & Do.

RpJk · « **Reply #5009 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:00:19 PM »

Mine is more of a weird story.

A few days ago I was in assembly while this teacher was saying about Hitler and mistakenly said Heil Hitler

The result: about 3/4 of the people in the school (which is about 100) did the Nazi salute.

70 were arrested and sent to concentration camps.

090901 · « **Reply #5010 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:28:39 PM »

Quote from: RPJK on October 12, 2012, 04:00:19 PM

Mine is more of a weird story.

A few days ago I was in assembly while this teacher was saying about Hitler and mistakenly said Heil Hitler

The result: about 3/4 of the people in the school (which is about 100) did the Nazi salute.

70 were arrested and sent to concentration camps.

lol
my teacher called someone a dumbass and flipped someone else off
we all laugh at that sh**

RpJk · « **Reply #5011 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:32:41 PM »

Quote from: 090901 on October 12, 2012, 04:28:39 PM

Quote from: RPJK on October 12, 2012, 04:00:19 PM
Mine is more of a weird story.

A few days ago I was in assembly while this teacher was saying about Hitler and mistakenly said Heil Hitler

The result: about 3/4 of the people in the school (which is about 100) did the Nazi salute.

70 were arrested and sent to concentration camps.
lol
my teacher called someone a dumbass and flipped someone else off
we all laugh at that sh**

A kid I know shouted "your gay" to a teacher and the teacher cried.

090901 · « **Reply #5012 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:33:58 PM »

Quote from: RPJK on October 12, 2012, 04:32:41 PM

A kid I know shouted "your gay" to a teacher and the teacher cried.

your teacher has thin skin then

Sylandro · « **Reply #5013 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:35:24 PM »

WHAT DID THE SYLANDRO SAY TO THE LOONATIC unleashed.

RpJk · « **Reply #5014 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:36:43 PM »

I know.

Just now looking out the window I saw a kid running half naked down the street.

Probably Rob · « **Reply #5015 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:37:30 PM »

An excerpt from my Todd Had a Job short story:

"I wish I had cigarettes with me, unfortunately I forgot them on my way here, my doctor keeps telling me to stop smoking as it could eventually hurt my health, who does he think he is? My doctor?"

Jamin · « **Reply #5016 on:** October 12, 2012, 04:53:22 PM »

Quote from: Sylandro on October 12, 2012, 04:35:24 PM

WHAT DID THE SYLANDRO SAY TO THE LOONATIC unleashed.

Ace Bunny, is that you?

Incredirobotwars · « **Reply #5017 on:** October 14, 2012, 08:38:30 AM »

Did you guys know that the tongue has memory?

This is true, like when you think of something sweet, you start to salivate. If you think of something sour, you feel a tangy taste in your mouth...well...did you know that if you imitate shaking a salt shaker into your mouth, you can taste salt? Seriously, try it right now. I'll wait for you to get it.

smashysmashy · « **Reply #5018 on:** October 14, 2012, 09:25:44 AM »

Oh you.

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5019 on:** October 14, 2012, 09:27:32 AM »

Now open your mouth and peck like a chicken.