Author Topic: Jokes (Read 212010 times)

Gigafrost · « **Reply #180 on:** October 09, 2008, 10:50:11 AM »

And just for goose <3

Naryar · « **Reply #181 on:** October 09, 2008, 11:29:36 AM »

Love the mouse, the tree mauling a dog and the HYDRO one, otherwise the other ones are average.

Madiaba · « **Reply #182 on:** October 09, 2008, 03:19:03 PM »

I liked the dogs, mouse and goosling ones. Nice Gig.

somestrangeguy · « **Reply #183 on:** October 10, 2008, 05:52:50 PM »

This might be the future of the military.

Who said eating fis does good for you?

I think I just crapped my pants...

R1885 · « **Reply #184 on:** October 10, 2008, 06:19:42 PM »

pyscolone · « **Reply #185 on:** October 10, 2008, 09:53:12 PM »

R0B0SH4RK · « **Reply #186 on:** October 11, 2008, 02:17:45 AM »

Swedish for "speed bump"

Naryar · « **Reply #187 on:** October 11, 2008, 04:22:57 AM »

Naryar · « **Reply #188 on:** October 11, 2008, 02:04:46 PM »

Double post, but whatever...

ACAMS · « **Reply #189 on:** October 12, 2008, 09:03:36 PM »

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive….so, I took her to a gas station…..
and then the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95 Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream……
And that’s when the fight started.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I
had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she
processed my Security Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too’
And then the fight started…..

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?”Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn’t been sober since. ‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…..

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a
DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well,then which one are you?’
And that’s how the fight started…..

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for
some reason, took my order first ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’ He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’ ‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s how the fight started…..

ACAMS · « **Reply #190 on:** October 12, 2008, 09:07:05 PM »

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!” The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am a Mexican.”
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America .”
The person says, “I not American, I Vietnamese.”
The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, “Thank you for wonderful America !”
That person puts up his hand and says, “I am from Middle East . I am not American.”
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, “Are you an American?”
She says, “No, I am from Africa .”
Puzzled, he asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”
The African lady checks her watch and says, “Probably at work.”

Somebody · « **Reply #191 on:** October 13, 2008, 06:37:54 AM »

I

the one with the dwarf LOL

System32 · « **Reply #192 on:** October 19, 2008, 11:36:25 AM »

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/4553/1208895458658cv8.jpg

Oh Venko...

man manu · « **Reply #193 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:06:38 PM »

knock knock...
who's there?...
ya...
ya who?
.com!

Hydro · « **Reply #194 on:** October 20, 2008, 10:34:53 AM »

Lolz

somestrangeguy · « **Reply #195 on:** October 20, 2008, 12:10:43 PM »

Hydro, a bit bigger pic next time, ok? I cant see anything in that.

Hydro · « **Reply #196 on:** October 20, 2008, 01:46:31 PM »

im at school. dont have time to make bigger. but i do now. wait a sec...

SpyGuy · « **Reply #197 on:** October 21, 2008, 05:10:47 PM »

Okay, so Slick Rick and a pretty young thing are sitting in Lover's Lane late at night. Rick's sitting there browsing through a HOT ROD magazine, while the young hardbelly is quietly knitting a scarf. Suddenly, there's a light shined in the window.

"What're you two doing in there?" demands a voice.

"Why, nothing, Officer," Rick replies.

The officer shines his light back and forth between them. "How old are you, son?"

"I'm twenty-two, Officer."

The officer shines his light over at the girl, who smiles prettily at him. "And how old is the young lady over there?"

Rick calmly checks his watch. "Well, in about another fifteen minutes, she'll be eighteen."

System32 · « **Reply #198 on:** October 21, 2008, 05:50:43 PM »

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.

Sage · « **Reply #199 on:** October 21, 2008, 05:51:50 PM »

^FAIL^

(i mean the kid. i thought it was a fail when he doesn't understand what he's saying)