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« on: August 11, 2009, 05:19:47 AM »
Damnn... all these stories sound pretty serious, anyway, here's my list of bodily harm...
So when i was something like 4 I was playing in the kitchen, when suddenly I saw a nice fat wire hanging from the tabletop (I could not see what it was, so I decided to pull it down). It turned out that "it" was a electric kettle filled with boiling water... Luckily I had no burns from the water, but I fractured my skull with the ceramic kettle.
A few months later I had broken my toy and started crying about this. So my father decided to buy some super glue to fix it. One mistake he made was that he left the glue on the table and than he left the house for a while... Later when he came back, he noticed my arms and hands all covered up in this glue. The peeling off, of this glue was nothing compared to the excruciating pain caused by torn out pieces of skin (The glue held ****ing well).
A year after that I was biking down a hill in a park, when suddenly I saw something interesting on the floor. I stopped and picked it up and figured it was some kind of control board (My father said it was a TV tuner control board). So I mounted the new "device" onto my handlebar (using some string found on the ground as well) and started biking ****ing fast. To me this "device" was some kind of anti-collision computer (YES I had a wild imagination ;p), so I screamed as loud as I could "Dad check this out, I can bike with my eyes closed and not hit anything!1!1111one" and before my dad could explain to me how much of a dumb**** I am, I rammed into a concrete rubbish bin, flew over it, rolled down the steep hill and crashed into a tree, just to be later hit by the falling bike... One word... OUCH!
In the very same year I had another accident, this time I wanted to climb up the stairs, but than from behind... this attempt ended with me on the floor, unable to breathe (the fall ****ed up my lung) with permanent spine damage (a.k.a. It's S-shaped till this day)... Once again I was lucky, as my mother knew what to do when some idiot like me could not breathe (otherwise I would have suffocated :/)
When I was 12 me and my friend decided to pretend that we were Mages from WoW... and so I picked up a pair of gloves, poured some BBQ lighter fuel on them and lit them on fire (did the same thing with a tennis ball we found) I was pretending to cast a Fireball when suddenly I noticed that the gloves contained plastic (!!!!) and this same plastic began to slowly melt, burning my hands. After a while of running around with my hands on fire, we finally managed to put it out using a shovel, a blanket and the ground. (Funny thing is that all of this happened in my garden at 12 in the night, with my parents sitting in the living room right next to the terrace window ;p)
Now a more recent accident... Just a few days ago I was skateboarding and trying to do a simple shove-it over a gap. Right after I ollie'd over some small obstacle, I noticed that there was something in my way (some random bump on the ground) but failed to act fast enough. So I flew off my board and right down the big ass gap. For a moment I was flying in the superman position, and than I did the stupidest thing I could. I stretched out my arms (instinct :/) the skin on my hands peeled off quite quickly and left me with two big "jesus-hand bruises". It's actually pretty funny, because now I look like I was hanged on some cross or some sh** like that ;p
P.S. I also forgot to add one more accident...
So when I was 6 my father was working on rebuilding our small yacht, and I was ****ing bored. So I begged him to give me some nails and a hammer so I could play around. He warned me that I will massacre myself, but I ignored his prophecy. I started smashing the nails in as hard as I could, than I decided to increase the speed at which I did this, when the hammer slipped off the nail and hit me right in the thumb (full speed, full power :/). This also happened a few years ago when I was trying to hammer a pipe into the ground, and my thumb (same one) slipped into the pipe and right under the hammer... my nail came off nice and clean, and there was a decent amount of blood all over the place ;p
P.P.S.
Once I was play fighting with my dad, and I smashed him with my fist (full power) into his elbow... had three fractured fingers on my left hand, and a fractured "palm bone"... it sucked as I only noticed that something was wrong after two weeks, when the bone started to heal (had to get it broken by the doctor to make it heal well)
There... now you know the story of my FAILfull life ^^
EDIT: Forgot to mention the time I inserted the alligator clamps (Do not ask me how I did this ;p) of a voltmeter into the electrical socket ;p
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