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« on: October 04, 2010, 10:56:03 AM »
You may think Picnic Attack is wierd. You were right. But how wierd? You won't know until you read what he produced in ICT today:
Analysis
There will be important hardware needed for this project. In particular, the greatest change will be the addition of a server to create a network for the team.
The hardware needed will be:
· An epic server, with a 200GB memory, and 20 2TB hard drives. This should provide the necessary computing power to manage all the equipment requirements for the localised area.
· A DSL line, to enable access between offices on a WAN, for interoffice record transferral, so that a car can be hired in one location, and returned at another, enabling greater ease for the customer, and thus increasing sales output due to word of mouth advertisement.
· Several computers slaved to the server, each with:
o A 3GB hard drive, to enable fast loading inside the database, to increase waiting times for the Mormon customers, and reduce it for everyone else.
o An LCD screen, so staff can see the data on the database.
o A computer mouse.
o A regular mouse
o A Transformouse.
o A House mouse.
o A 750GB Hard Drive, to store data on, and any stupid stuff staff foolishly decide to copy.
o A four leafed clover.
o A five leafed clover.
o An emergency supply of military grade Post-It Notes.
o A USB Ninja Penguin, to protect the computer from unscrupulous thieves who wish to steal customer data.
o A USB port, to plug the USB Ninja Penguin into.
o A wire, to plug the USB slot into.
o A computer, to plug the wire into.
o A plug, to plug the computer into
o A plug socket, to plug the plug into.
o A series of wires, to plug the plug socket into.
o A substation, to plug the wires into.
o A power cable, to plug the substation into.
o A National Grid, to plug the power cable into
o A nuclear (or otherwise) power plant, to plug the National Grid into.
o Some pink fluffy dice.
· A very large supply of FireWire wires, to connect all the computers to the main server.
· A router, so that the computers have access to the DSL line.
· A 20TB Super Hard Drive, used to periodically backup data, so that the data is saved every night.
· A 20PB offsite backup backup, used to once a month copy data to from the back up, thus ensuring the backup is backed up.
· A supercomputer. Just because the Mormons are scared of them. And they are not in our customer demographic.
· A copy of the Sunday Times’ In Gear pullout, to find out what new, ϋber-cool cars will come out soon.
· A Mormon, to find out what they are scared of, and thus what we should buy, like seals, but not sea lions; killer whales and blue whales, but not belugas(they like caviar).
· A printer, to print off the mail merged letters that will need to be created to send to customers to get money/blood/charity appearances from or to the people of Norway, addressing them as Snoreway.
· A getaway car, to get away from any of the above things mentioned in case of spontaneous anger/combustion/apocalypse/apocalisp.
· Soft Hardware, because of Health and Safety.
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