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« on: March 02, 2018, 11:42:44 PM »
I made a post regarding my entrance that I will reskin my bot, but lost complete focus. The reason is I'm going through some major emotional event.
I moved in with my girlfriend (her favorite robot was Razor Guy which she called a Christmas Tree Bot, and she rooted for RG in Robogame) last October and we have been living together happily for few months before her drugs got in the way. She had been huffing air dusters, and had been for more than 8 years as her mom told me. This leads to few arguments and few frustrating moments. It wasn't long before her habit got worse and worse. It gotten to the point that I gave up on her, and didn't bother trying to talk her out of it. Last January, We missed rent and it caused stress for her. I found out she stole money from the rent pile to pay for Uber to Walmart for, you guessed it, more air dusters, and I told her that I'll move out if we missed rent. When I found out that I got angry and yelled at her and told her I'm done with our relationship and I'm moving out. I grabbed my expensive stuff and move back in with my mom. This was 3 nights before I found her. The next night I checked my bank statement and saw more charges for Lyft, and of course, I got even angrier. I stormed back to the apartment and yelled at her and grab more stuff and left. The next day, I went to work, planning on getting the rest of my stuff and be out of her life. As soon as I got off and started heading back to the apartment, I had a change of heart. I wanted to sit down and talked with her and apologize for my action. I went back the apartment, knocked on the door. No response. I texted her. No response. I'm trying to see through the window which is connected to the bedroom. Barely see anything. Our cat was freaking out and pulled down the blinder and I got full view of her... frozen... half covered by blanket. I immediately called the police, they came in, busted down the door and checked on her. She already passed. The night before Valentine's Day. She overdosed.
For a long time, I blamed myself and kicking myself. I was so down on myself to the point that I've been thinking about suicide, because I cannot live with a guilt. I cannot shake off the fact that it was her blood on my hands. She made a choice, a choice she wouldn't make. I blamed myself because I felt like I made that choice for her. I stressed her out so much that she was driven to overdose herself. It was a terrible thinking, but I can't shake it off. I'm going through a major emotional even and I'm trying to move on from it. This sucked. My life sucked. And I'm trying to shake those thoughts out of my head.