Author Topic: Manliest Bot Types (Read 6845 times)

Naryar · « **on:** February 01, 2014, 07:18:47 AM »

Revisiting the old manly bot type classification.

What makes a bot manly ?

-No wedges
-Less armor
-More weapon weight
-More weapon power
-More speed
-Head-on charge
-Hard mode design

What makes a bot less manly ?

-Wedges
-Armor
-Cheap tricks such as troll dance and spikeball mode/Mauler dancing, or pinning
-Other evading tactics
-Not moving towards the enemy
-Easymode design

Now to the list.

1-Rammer: The position of manliest bot goes to the noble rammer. Why, you ask ? Well, just see the list before. Rammer ticks pretty much all the points that make a bot manly. Large damage ? Best speed ? Head-on charge ? Also, the obvious back-and-forth movement of the rammer makes it quite virile.
2-Clamp: See hammer. Clamp is hardcore mode when entered into a tournament. Very difficult to do, fragile... need we say more
3-Hammer: Because no one will doubt the size of your balls if you enter a hammer into a tournament. While a hammer isn't especially fast, damaging, and it uses pinning who isn't a very manly tactic, hammers are hard mode, and that's what counts best.
4-Poker: For obvious reasons and phallic imagery. Also, it's not easy to win with a poker.
5-VS: Usually low armor and very offense-focused... seeing a theme there ? It's not that fast, but focusing most of your weight towards offense, large damage and tossing your opponent around is definitely manly. However, if it is so unstable it spends it's time spikeballing all around the arena so the chassis is untouchable, it loses it's manliness and
6-Wedgeless gut-ripper: Which makes a gut-ripper manly. Wedgeless gut-ripper = you have guts. (You are huge ! Rip and tear ! Rip and tear your guts !)
7-HS: The HS is a mix of manly and less manly points. Manly because it focuses most of it's weight towards offense, it doesn't (usually) have much armor. and it does large amounts of damage and rips stuff apart. Less manly because it's not fast, it usually relies on defense rather than charging, and it's an all-around design. "No I hit you all around trorororo silly monkey" makes men rage". Also, the tendency of HS to go spikeball mode to protect them makes the design less manly, although it really depends on the flipper.
8-Weaponed flipper: Far manlier than the flipper because it does damage. Also less gamebreaking than a popup. Although it has a wedge, isn't THAT fast, and usually armored, it is also hard mode, which gives him manly points. Yeah, you're taking risks if you enter a weaponed flipper into a tourney.
8-Pusher: A variety of rammer which only pushes, no back-and forth, so loses to the rammer in the obvious manly categories of speed and damage. However, it still focuses on weapons a lot, doesn't have much armor, and doesn't have a wedge, so it's hard mode.
9-Wammer: The wammer has a wedge, and deals damage slowly. However, it is fast, has a lot of weapon weight, nearly as much as rammer and is a hard design, because it's not easy to win with one. Hard design = man points.
10-Gut-ripper (popup, FS, juggler, etc): The gut-ripper at first appears like a manly design. Fast ? Lots of damage ? Charging ? Yes. But gut-rippers in this game are easy mode. So much that they nearly always win if a HS doesn't win. Also, they have a wedge, and take less risks in winning. So yeah, at first it looks like manly.
11-Flipper: Doesn't make damage and has a wedge. Uses arena-dependent cheap tricks (oota, pits) to win. It's pretty much the least manly design ever, however it has the advantage of hard mode, so it's not the worst. More manly on non-oota, non-hazard arenas, though.
12-SnS: Well, the SnS is very focused on speed and damage and has nearly no armor, right ? That would make a manly bot, but the tactic ruins it all. You stay in a corner, all defensive, relying on your speed to avoid the opponent going too close, and don't charge. The tactic is very unmanly and ruins pretty much the man potential of a SnS.
13- Flying Guillotine: Although it is dangerous to enter one because it gets rekt by HS, so it's somewhat hard mode, the very point of a FG bot is avoid damage while doing damage to the other bot. They're elevated just to avoid damage. Cowardly bot, unmanly design.
14-Crawler or anything associated: Another unmanly design in which it avoids damage and uses a cheap tactic to win. unreachable by most bots, wins everything, cannot lose against anything else than a VS or a flipper, uncontrollable, slow... Yeah it has a lot of weapons but that's not enough to make a bot manly.

UNCLASSIFIABLE
Pure Wedge: Well... the problem is that it does no damage. Though if you actually beat a damaging bot without any weapons, holy **** ! You must be the new Scrap Daddy !
Flamethrower: Well, the idea of breathing fire at your opponent is pretty metal, OK. However, flamethrower bots tend to get wedges, lots of defense and hold their enemies close and wait for the flamer to do damage, which is not the manliest thing ever. So it depends of the bot, I guess.

...Well, here's that. Apart from all that silliness, this is half-serious considering I see this list as truth and not merely a joke. What do you guys think ? Add more types ? Feel free to improve it.

Badnik96 · « **Reply #1 on:** February 01, 2014, 07:44:01 AM »

where's number 12

Naryar · « **Reply #2 on:** February 01, 2014, 07:45:25 AM »

fixed.

Avalanche · « **Reply #3 on:** February 01, 2014, 07:48:31 AM »

I am not manly. I am not surprised.

Merrick · « **Reply #4 on:** February 01, 2014, 07:57:20 AM »

Quote from: Naryar on February 01, 2014, 07:18:47 AM

if you're a flipper builder, get a testosterone implant or something, boy.

My beard calls your argument out. I love flippers.

Hydro · « **Reply #5 on:** February 01, 2014, 09:42:49 AM »

Yup, seems accurate. Though I would be interested to see where pushers are on the list.

martymidget · « **Reply #6 on:** February 01, 2014, 10:16:46 AM »

Quote from: Naryar on February 01, 2014, 07:18:47 AM

7-HS: Although the idea of a hurricane of weapons shredding your enemy is pretty hardcore, the reason why it is no higher on this list is because it has full defense all around. "No I hit you all around trororororo silly monkey" makes men rage. It has only a weak point on top and bottom, but real men don't bother about defense. Make no mistake : the HS has some manly virtue. Just not enough
8-Gut-ripper (FS, juggler, etc): Yes you charge at your opponent, yes you take risks, yes you shred your opponent. But wedge in this game is easy mode. May be powerful, but not enough GUTS clearly.

oh