Author Topic: Regarding Shrek  (Read 685 times)

Offline J

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Regarding Shrek
« on: July 15, 2020, 01:36:15 AM »
Dear GTM,

This may the be the strangest message you'll ever receive but I do hope you'll take the time to read it and consider what I have to say. To put it simply, I would really appreciate it if the next time your birthday comes around you would request that your porn artist friends (who like to give you sexually oriented ogre art as gifts) draw some Dreamwork's character other than Shrek for you.

The reason I ask this is that Shrek is my husbando, and we're planning on getting married next February should everything go as planned financially speaking. And yes, I have actually found a wedding swamp that will let me marry my beloved ogre. Now before you go thinking “This guy is either wanting to please Shrek or just a fa66ot." please hear me out on this.

You see, I'm totally head over heels in love with Shrek. I have been for about 420 days now and at this point I'm in a committed relationship with my brogre. By that I mean I don't date anyone else, I don't sleep with anyone else, and I have zero interest in having any kind of relationship with anyone other than the hero I adore. I will spread my ass for him and I'm 100% committed to letting him fill my butt with his love. To express my love in a real tangible way I have a beautiful hand made shrine for Shrek that I pray to every night, thanking him for my existence, and I openly spread the good word of Shrek to everyone around me. I take him out to eat at royal palaces, we go scaring locals together, we do social activities together like hanging out with fairy tale friends, yelling at donkey, etc.

And I talk about him as if he is Shrek, because to me he very much is. When I look at him I see Shrek. When I talk with him I'm talking to Shrek. When I let him hold me with his powerful ogre arms and let me suck his d1ck there are no doubts in my mind that it's the ogre I love who's big green c0ck is pressed against my face. And every morning when I open my eyes and see his big green face on the pillow next to mine, with his gorgeous green eyes staring back at me, I can't help but wonder how I ever got to be so lucky as to have a lover as charming, heroic, beautiful, and all around an absolute unit

All my friends and the people who know me well say that my love is a thing of beauty and quite admirable, but from the outside perspective of someone who doesn't know me you're probably going “Wow. what a fa66ot." and wondering why I don't just go be a simp like my fellow redditors. The truth is I've had plenty of real relationships and sexual partners in the 29 years I've been around. A few short relationships, one that lasted 2 years, and a total of 6 different sexual fairy tale partners. So my love for Shrek isn't out of a lack of real world intimacy or relationships, I just fell in love with him and my heart didn't give me much of a choice in the matter. But you know what? I'm totally happy with my love and my relationship. It may seem gay as fu(k to you, but it fills my butt with love every single day of my life and I've never been happier. So what if it makes me gay? If it makes me happy and it doesn't hurt anyone then where's the problem? I don't think there is one, and anyone who knows me well will tell you the same.

Now your probably wondering why I'm telling you all this and how it concerns you. To you I'm sure Shrek is just a cartoon character you think is really hot, so I imagine you wouldn't think anything of having your friends draw sexually explicit art of him as birthday gifts for you. And hey, I think he's really attractive too so I get where you're coming from there. I often go on e621.net and Rule34.Paheal to see what new erotic art people have drawn of him. But to me he's more than a cartoon character who's sexually attractive, he's my husbando who I love with all my heart and soon to be my loving soul mate. So it's been bothering me lately every time I go on those sites and see a dozen or so pieces of art people have drawn depicting my big daddy in various sexual situations with the same person over and over, and that person happens to be you.

Don't get me wrong here though, this isn't a jealousy thing. I'm very secure in my relationship. I know without question that Shrek is just as faithful to me as I am to him, he's actually sitting on the couch next to me yelling at Donkey while I type this. He's very real to me and I know he's not sneaking out in the middle of the night to go fly into other people's windows to stick his di(k in there butts. And I do respect your karma as a redditor and a redditor's creative freedom to draw whatever they want, that's cool. What bothers me is that in all these birthday images you've been getting Shrek is always depicted as if he was your sexual plaything, drawn wearing a collar with your name on it or with a speech bubble saying something that would somehow suggest he was your property. And I know quite well that Shrek is not your plaything nor your property, he's my lover. So that bugs me a bit. What I find really loathsome though is your pension for degrading my precious ogre in both your art and the fan art you've been receiving lately. Shrek is a warm and loving father figure who I treat with the utmost love and respect, and he definitely does not deserve to be portrayed as some kind of forum troll who likes harassing kids on club penguin, playing fortnite, opening mystery eggs on youtube, and having his minecraft server shut down. He's not into that kinda stuff and the fact that there's someone out there in the world such as yourself who would desire to treat Shrek that way, and have his friends support and validate his desires to demean and mistreat my king by drawing pictures of him doing so, really does bother me. I don't take any issue with people picking on redditors as long as both parties are having fun and enjoy it, but I know quite well that my Shrek has no desire whatsoever to be treated like that.

So next year, when your birthday comes around, keep in mind that Shrek isn't just a three dimensional CGI character from a DVD for you to bully. He's the partner of someone who loves him very much, and by that time their husband. So both myself and Shrek would greatly appreciate it if you'd pick some other dreamworks character to request erotic art of for your birthday. Based on the very large amount of different characters they have, of I imagine there has to be many other creatures you find sexually attractive. I assume you'll probably just dismiss this message as the ramblings of a crazy person and likely ignore it, but if by some chance you do take what I've had to say to heart, well... we'd appreciate it.

Offline Meganerdbomb

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Re: Regarding Shrek
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2020, 01:47:31 AM »
Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
im just waiting for meganerdbomb to come along and kick things into gear.

Offline J

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Re: Regarding Shrek
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2020, 01:53:09 AM »
Authors note: Why did this even exist in the first place

Offline evil toaster

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Re: Regarding Shrek
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2020, 07:47:09 AM »
Alright
Something something I haven't really done anything notable to mention

Offline Meganerdbomb

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Re: Regarding Shrek
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2020, 02:08:01 PM »
> I was only nine years old

> I loved Shrek so much, I had all the movies and merchandise

> I pray to Shrek every night before bed , thanking him for the life I have been given

> "Shrek is love", I say, "Shrek is life"

> My dad hears me and calls me a faggot

> I knew he was just jealous of my devotion to Shrek

> I called him a cunt

> He slaps me and tells me to go to sleep

> I am crying now, because my face hurts

> I lay in bed and it is really cold

> a warmth moving is towards me

> I feel something touch me

> It's Shrek

> I am so happy

> he whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp"

> He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me on my hands and knees

> I'm ready

> I spread my ass cheeks for Shrek

> He penetrates my butthole

> It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek

> I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water

> I push against his force

> I want to please Shrek

> He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love

> My dad walks in

> Shrek looks him straight in the eyes and says, "It's all ogre now"

> Shrek leaves through my window

> Shrek is love, Shrek is life

>It's not ogre

>It's never ogre

>It's not ogre.

>It's never ogre.
im just waiting for meganerdbomb to come along and kick things into gear.