Off-Topic > Off-Topic Discussion
GTM, I request your ass is tance
Naryar:
You cannot bear the whole world's misery on yourself, that's just self-defeating. It is alright to be selfish, don't let the moralizers tell you otherwise.
If your friends are sh**ty, abandon that friend and move on. You will find some good ones.
Be forgiving of what you think is forgivable, but stand by your values when that person broke something that is deeply important to you. Forgiveness is useful, but don't make it an all-ends ideal.
--- Quote ---I'll just keep letting bygones be bygones and straight-up giving the next person(and so on) the benefit of the doubt even if they will just prove to be no different from the other tumors I've had in my life.
--- End quote ---
Don't do that, please. It's clear you want true, valuable friendship - an admirable ideal - which doesn't mesh well with starting another friendship with so much negative emotional baggage from past broken ones.
Also, yeah, emotions are complicated to handle. I can relate (though I DO seem to have lower empathy), and I wish you some harmony.
J:
--- Quote from: Naryar on May 13, 2020, 12:03:30 PM ---Be forgiving of what you think is forgivable, but stand by your values when that person broke something that is deeply important to you. Forgiveness is useful, but don't make it an all-ends ideal.
--- End quote ---
But any friendship that’s been destroyed over petty sh**(or any reason for that matter) can’t ever be repaired, nor can it ever be forgiven. Things can’t just go back to how they were before you opened Pandora’s box. You can’t just pretend X didn’t happen when it’s what broke you apart, because the notion of such a thing will always be there eating away at you and any former friend(s) because you’ll always be reminded of it. It just doesn’t work that way.
Reier:
--- Quote from: J on May 25, 2020, 12:52:11 AM ---But any friendship that’s been destroyed over petty sh**(or any reason for that matter) can’t ever be repaired, nor can it ever be forgiven.
--- End quote ---
that's not true.
--- Quote from: J on May 25, 2020, 12:52:11 AM ---Things can’t just go back to how they were before you opened Pandora’s box. You can’t just pretend X didn’t happen when it’s what broke you apart, because the notion of such a thing will always be there eating away at you and any former friend(s) because you’ll always be reminded of it. It just doesn’t work that way.
--- End quote ---
true forgiveness isn't pretending. it's not an emotion, it's a choice. its also a choice that you often need to make more than once. you may need to make it every day for years.
the only one hurt by you not forgiving them is you. you'll be a slave to them until you do. the only way to truly move beyond past pain with someone is to forgive them.
if you need to talk, shoot me a pm.
Naryar:
--- Quote from: J on May 25, 2020, 12:52:11 AM ---
--- Quote from: Naryar on May 13, 2020, 12:03:30 PM ---Be forgiving of what you think is forgivable, but stand by your values when that person broke something that is deeply important to you. Forgiveness is useful, but don't make it an all-ends ideal.
--- End quote ---
But any friendship that’s been destroyed over petty sh**(or any reason for that matter) can’t ever be repaired, nor can it ever be forgiven.
--- End quote ---
If it's *petty sh*** then one would think true friendship would not stay in the way, providing both sides are willing to sacrifice their pride.
--- Quote from: J on May 25, 2020, 12:52:11 AM ---Things can’t just go back to how they were before you opened Pandora’s box. You can’t just pretend X didn’t happen when it’s what broke you apart, because the notion of such a thing will always be there eating away at you and any former friend(s) because you’ll always be reminded of it.
--- End quote ---
On the contrary, time is the great eraser. Remember the big issues you had in your early youth ? You barely remember them now. Remember that this is your *current* viewpoint - it's colored by the suffering. Else we would be burdened by the memory of all our bad choices and all old people would be miserable.
Of course, you could remove suffering, but i'm not going to go on a buddhist tangent right now.
I will agree with some (but not all) of Reier's points.
I would say normally "just let it go", but I think this is not going to work and that it's obviously an important issue for ya. you need to reach some catharsis one way or another. maybe talking with the person in question and try to figure out what happened, at least an explanation ?
might work. might not work. but don't let the latter scare you. if it's troubling you that much, it needs to be solved, Reier said it better than I did.
J:
Honestly I have tried to work it out with some of the people I’m having issues with- I just can’t seem to get over stupid sh** that was said over both parties and what resulted in some of these broken friendships in the first place. It just always seems to make it more awkward and harder to talk to eachother.
Especially topics like this- I’m sorry for being such a ****ing drama queen.
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