Author Topic: Jokes (Read 145896 times)

rnifnuf · « **Reply #5340 on:** July 20, 2015, 08:03:29 PM »

A man is training to be a monk, and is being evaluated by the elder monks over a period of three years. As part of his training, the man has to take an oath of silence, and is only allowed to say two words at the end of each year. The end of the first year of evaluation comes, and when asked to say his two words, the man in training says "Bed hard." At the end of the second year, his words are "Food sucks." Finally, at the end of the third year, his two words were: "I quit," to which the elder monks replied "That's okay anyway; we have determined that you are not worthy of being a monk because since you got here you have done nothing but complain."

LIMERICK TIME:

There lives a guy named Bush.
His brain is a pile of mush.
His presidency
Crippled our country.
I'd rate him one star, at a push.

This one time, during martial arts,
Well, needless to say, I had farts.
With one mighty shout
I pushed it all out!
My pants became many small parts.

This country has a war on drugs,
Where we treat drug users as thugs.
Prison populations
Rose across the nation
They'd be better of as slugs!

RedAce · « **Reply #5341 on:** July 21, 2015, 06:25:48 AM »

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #5342 on:** August 26, 2015, 06:26:53 PM »

What do you call the excess skin around the vagina?

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5343 on:** August 30, 2015, 10:21:37 PM »

Quote from: Jonzu95 on August 26, 2015, 06:26:53 PM

What do you call the excess skin around the vagina?

a Woman.

Well done sir.

Here's a joke I thought of years ago:

What do you call a pit full of donkeys?

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5344 on:** September 11, 2015, 05:37:07 PM »

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna...

...and glue?

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5345 on:** September 11, 2015, 11:40:23 PM »

Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on September 11, 2015, 05:37:07 PM

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna...

...and glue?

You can tuna-piano but you can't piano tuna.

You forgot the rest of the punchline. Kill yourself.

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5346 on:** September 12, 2015, 01:38:47 AM »

Quote from: HurricaneAndrew on September 11, 2015, 11:40:23 PM

Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on September 11, 2015, 05:37:07 PM
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna...

...and glue?

You can tuna-piano but you can't piano tuna.

You forgot the rest of the punchline. Kill yourself.

Oh yeah, I forgot the glue. I knew you'd get stuck on that part.

helloface · « **Reply #5347 on:** September 12, 2015, 01:49:01 AM »

Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on September 12, 2015, 01:38:47 AM

Quote from: HurricaneAndrew on September 11, 2015, 11:40:23 PM
Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on September 11, 2015, 05:37:07 PM
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna...

...and glue?

You can tuna-piano but you can't piano tuna.

You forgot the rest of the punchline. Kill yourself.

Oh yeah, I forgot the glue. I knew you'd get stuck on that part.

rused

Wacky Bob · « **Reply #5348 on:** September 13, 2015, 09:34:55 PM »

You know you play too much RA2 when your chemistry homework has "Isotopes HW" written on the top and you instantly interpret "HW" as "heavyweight"

Jonzu95 · « **Reply #5349 on:** September 14, 2015, 03:16:35 AM »

Quote from: Wacky Bob on September 13, 2015, 09:34:55 PM

You know you play too much RA2 when your chemistry homework has "Isotopes HW" written on the top and you instantly interpret "HW" as "heavyweight"

I think we had a thread for moments like this

G.K. · « **Reply #5350 on:** September 14, 2015, 06:35:43 AM »

Quote from: Jonzu95 on September 14, 2015, 03:16:35 AM

Quote from: Wacky Bob on September 13, 2015, 09:34:55 PM
You know you play too much RA2 when your chemistry homework has "Isotopes HW" written on the top and you instantly interpret "HW" as "heavyweight"
I think we had a thread for moments like this

We did, yeah. I've got a photo of graffiti on a train that would be suitable. If I can find the thread I'll post it.

RedAce · « **Reply #5351 on:** September 14, 2015, 08:08:55 AM »

Fact: There are two types of people in the world. Those who need closure

Mecha · « **Reply #5352 on:** September 14, 2015, 10:39:49 PM »

A parasite walks into a bar. The bartender says we don't serve your kind here. The parasite says well your not a very good host.
i know it sucks but that's what my phone said when i told it to tell me a joke lol.

Quote from: RedAce on September 14, 2015, 08:08:55 AM

Fact: There are two types of people in the world. Those who need closure

WHATS THE OTHER ONE

jk pretty good. :P

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5353 on:** September 14, 2015, 10:46:12 PM »

A gay black guy walks into a bar in Texas. The bartender says "Get the **** out."

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5354 on:** September 17, 2015, 11:40:45 PM »

What's the difference in boy scouts and Jews?

RedAce · « **Reply #5355 on:** September 23, 2015, 03:17:59 PM »

What did the block of cheese say when he met Avenger?

Shoutouts to you if you actually get this.

RpJk · « **Reply #5356 on:** September 23, 2015, 03:23:02 PM »

People say I'm like a record player: I always repeat myself.

"What was that?"

People say I'm like a record player: I always repeat myself.

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5357 on:** September 29, 2015, 09:57:35 PM »

Ok, we got a bad joke, and a ****ed up joke:

Bad Joke:

****ed Up Joke:

HurricaneAndrew · « **Reply #5358 on:** September 29, 2015, 10:58:41 PM »

Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on September 29, 2015, 09:57:35 PM

Why is it hard to rape a 4 year old girl?

Have you ever tried opening up a grilled cheese sandwich?

At least take sex ed before you try to make jokes like this. Thanks.

TommyProductionsInc · « **Reply #5359 on:** September 29, 2015, 11:20:33 PM »

Quote from: HurricaneAndrew on September 29, 2015, 10:58:41 PM

Quote from: TommyProductionsInc on September 29, 2015, 09:57:35 PM

Why is it hard to rape a 4 year old girl?

Have you ever tried opening up a grilled cheese sandwich?

At least take sex ed before you try to make jokes like this. Thanks.

I got it off the internet dude. Blame them.